Diagnosis & HealthcareBased on 3,187 real comments
Getting an adult ADHD/autism diagnosis: what 3,187 people lived through
A six-second video about being dismissed by doctors drew 2.2 million views and 3,187 comments — and almost all of them were people saying "this happened to me too." We read the whole thread. Unlike a tips video, this one is mostly about barriers. So we mapped both sides: the walls people kept hitting, and the smaller set of things that actually got people through.
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Source: comments on Olivia Lutfallah's short "ADHD and Autism Diagnosis Struggle is real" — 2.2M views, ~3,187 comments read and categorized.
3,187
comments read
21
barrier patterns
10
things that worked
Read this first. The honest shape of this thread is that barriers vastly outnumber solutions — most people were venting about being dismissed, not handing out advice. We're showing both, but we're not pretending the workarounds were the common experience. Several of the "solutions" below are actively argued about in the replies; we've reported what people described, not endorsed any of it as medical guidance.
The short version
The most pervasive barrier by far: masking held against you — the better you'd learned to hide it, the more it was used as proof you didn't have it.
Right behind it: multi-year waitlists (~350 comments mention long waits) and gendered gatekeeping ("girls don't get this").
The most concrete thing that worked: switch providers and find a neurodivergent-affirming specialist — especially one who knows adult and female presentation.
What people brought to win the appointment: documented evidence — a written list of traits, a symptom journal, footage of the unmasked self at home.
"You can't be autistic/ADHD because…"
The dismissals people were given to their faces.
01
"You make eye contact / can hold a conversation" ~84
The single most-cited brush-off — the one the video itself is about. People were told their eye contact or conversational ability disqualified them, many adding they'd learned both through years of masking.
02
"You're too smart / had good grades" ~64
Academic success used as proof they couldn't be neurodivergent. Several note a high IQ carried them through school while they struggled everywhere else.
03
"You seem normal / too high-functioning" ~36
Closely tied to masking. A top comment: "'you act normal' — yeah, because I got in trouble when I acted any different." People frame "normal" as a trained survival behavior, not an absence of symptoms.
04
"You have friends / a partner" ~10
Small but striking: one person's friend reportedly met every criterion but was denied for having "too many friends"; others were told being articulate or in a relationship ruled it out.
05
"You dress well / look put together" ~4
Few mentions but distinctive — including one person whose own therapist used it as a reason to doubt them.
Who gets gatekept
Demographic bias in who gets taken seriously.
06
Gender bias — "girls/women don't get this" ~21
Women describe being turned away outright ("girls can't get ADHD," "girls don't get autism"), sometimes repeatedly, and note these conditions present differently in women and are under-recognized. Some were only tested incidentally while being assessed for depression.
07
"You're an adult, we'd have known by now" ~11
Adults told they'd have been caught as children, that they "grew out of it," or that services in their country simply stop at 18.
08
Age-gating the young — "come back later" ~7
The mirror image: kids and teens told to return at 18 "when it matters," losing years of support in between.
Being doubted
When motives, not symptoms, got assessed.
09
"You're faking it / it's a trend" ~71
A large cluster — often from parents as much as doctors. The recurring rebuttal: why would anyone fake being unable to do simple tasks? The "everyone thinks they're autistic now" skepticism worked against them.
10
"Why do you even want a diagnosis?" ~15
Clinicians questioning motives rather than assessing. The common reply: they want answers and access to accommodations, not a label.
11
Blamed on personality, insecurity, or laziness ~13
Told it's "just shyness," "just insecurity," or "just lazy" rather than a condition worth assessing.
When the assessment went wrong
Problems inside the evaluation itself.
12
Misdiagnosis / wrong medication ~43
Especially for women: symptoms relabeled as anxiety, depression, bipolar, or BPD, sometimes with years of wrong meds. Some had a childhood autism diagnosis later "rescinded" by a skeptical clinician.
13
"You have traits but not enough" ~22
Told they sit just under the threshold — e.g. scoring 4.5 of 5 and still getting no clear yes/no — leaving them in limbo.
14
One clinician overriding another ~7
Getting diagnosed, then having a second doctor refuse to honor it — sometimes on flimsy grounds like the patient holding a creative degree.
How the system treated them
Process barriers — the most pervasive part of the thread.
15
Years-long waits and waitlists ~350
By far the most common process complaint. People cite 3-year waits, 5-year NHS reassessments, decades to a diagnosis (one waited until 46, another 41 years) — and note just finding a clinician who takes them seriously can take years on its own.
16
Masking held against them ~109 · cross-cutting
The thread that ties everything together: the better someone had learned to hide symptoms, the more it was used as evidence they had none ("you learnt to mask too well, go away").
17
Dismissed, not listened to, laughed at ~45
The texture of the interaction: brushed off, ignored, "in one ear and out the other," sometimes openly laughed at.
18
Cost and financial barriers ~40
Going into debt for assessment, "thousands of dollars" for a neuropsych eval, pushed private because the public route is closed — and in some systems a private diagnosis "doesn't count" anyway.
19
Remote/Zoom evaluations ~5
A few report being assessed over video and denied for looking "too put together" on screen.
Gatekeepers beyond the clinic
The barriers that aren't doctors at all.
20
Parents refusing or blocking diagnosis ~29
A large share of dismissals come from family: "you're too smart for that," "there's no point," or refusing assessment because the child masks well at school.
21
Accommodations denied despite evidence ~95
Even with a diagnosis, people report being refused school/work accommodations because they hadn't failed a grade or lacked an intellectual disability. Top example: "accommodations will still be denied because… we didn't get held back for any grade."
Getting past gatekeeping clinicians
What people did when the first answer was "no."
01
Get a second opinion / switch providers ~30
The single most concrete piece of advice. People denied by one doctor describe switching and getting diagnosed shortly after — "find another doctor, keep pushing, it's worth it once you find one who isn't dismissive."
02
Find a neurodivergent-affirming specialist ~60
Repeatedly, the breakthrough is someone who specializes in adult and especially female presentation ("I finally found a neuropsych who specializes in adult female presentation… diagnosed with AuDHD after many hours"). A GP or generalist often misses masked presentations.
03
Self-advocate and persist ~25
A recurring theme that diagnosis is a multi-year war of attrition, and refusing to stop after the first "no" is the actual skill. Harder still when parents won't listen — people especially admire teens who manage it.
04
Go private where public routes fail ~17⚠ contested
Especially from UK/Ireland/Europe commenters facing years-long waitlists. Heavy caveat people raise themselves: it's expensive, can mean debt, and in some systems a private diagnosis "doesn't count" for accommodations or meds.
Walking in prepared
What people brought to the appointment.
05
Document your traits and bring evidence ~16
Keep a symptom journal beforehand; build a written list of traits ("I've been making a document with all my traits"). One parent brought four years of documents, videos, and texts showing the unmasked self at home to get past repeated denials.
06
Pursue a formal evaluation route ~90 test-related⚠ contested
People share paths that worked — often a multi-hour neuropsych evaluation — and reference screeners like the RAADS-R as evidence to bring. Disagreement in the thread: others argue a full neuropsych eval is costly and not strictly required.
When the system won't cooperate
Parallel supports and fallbacks people described.
07
Find an affirming therapist alongside ~150 therapy
Several describe a therapist who supports them through the journey (one's was on her own journey too) — valuable even before any formal diagnosis lands.
08
Self-educate and lean on community
Learning from research, other neurodivergent people, and creators is repeatedly credited with helping people understand themselves and know what to push for in the room.
09
Treat self-diagnosis as a starting point ~49⚠ contested
A heavily debated but frequently defended position: that self-recognition after real research is how most people begin before seeking confirmation, and is legitimate when access is blocked. Contested in the replies — read it as a coping/identity stance, not universal advice.
10
Self-accommodate without a diagnosis ~8
A smaller, sadder cluster from older commenters ("44 here… I gave up. Learning about myself and working on things for myself"). Framed not as ideal, but as a real fallback after years of dismissal.
⚠️ The honest catch
Two things this thread makes unavoidable. First, the dominant experience here is the barrier, not the breakthrough — the solutions above were extracted from a minority who got through or were helping others. If you're stuck, the comments suggest that's the common case, not a personal failing.
Second, several of the most-shared "solutions" — going private, full neuropsych evals, self-diagnosis — are actively argued about in the replies. We've reported what people described, not picked a winner. The one piece of advice that drew almost no pushback: keep going, and find someone who actually knows what neurodivergence looks like in adults.
Understand your own patterns while you wait
Diagnosis can take years — but understanding yourself doesn't have to wait for it. Gidit Clone is a private, on-device companion that helps you track traits, spot patterns, and build a record you could even bring to an appointment.
How to read this: these are real, self-reported experiences from a public comment section — lived experience and perception, not verified clinical encounters or medical advice. Counts are approximate and overlap (one comment often fits several categories). Nothing here is an endorsement of any path; diagnosis and treatment decisions belong with a qualified professional. If any of this resonates, that's a reason to keep seeking support, not to stop.